get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
