you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
