He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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