i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
