thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize