I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They have beer where we have blood.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
