he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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