true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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