and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
BRING THE BAGELS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
