Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
