I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
