would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
