A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
