i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
