I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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