you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
