I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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