Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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