I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shame - the story of my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
