No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
