youre lurking in front of me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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