I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
