fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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