The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize