She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
