My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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