he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
