Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
