She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When are your genitals available?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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