you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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