The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
