oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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