I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize