i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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