i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
