And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
