Swine flu. Run for my life!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
