I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
