o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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