sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
