I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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