my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need to stop coming to work sober
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
