i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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