I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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