my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
