SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
