stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
