thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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