u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
