Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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