Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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