Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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