remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
