The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
