p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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