On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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