when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
