i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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