12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
