It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
