Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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