bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
