Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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