Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
