That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
