My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
