thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
