it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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