all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
