Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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