If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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