it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
