An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
