honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
