how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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