she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
